I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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