i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
