and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This is the high leading the old right now
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
