toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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