i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
