two words: eviction party
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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