OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
