don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
