does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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