508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
