Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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