plz talk dirty to me
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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