We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
