i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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