the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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