I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
