if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
