I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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