Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
