I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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