I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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