my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
