Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
