My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
