He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
