Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
