he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
