My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
