Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
