Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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