he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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