Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
