dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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