if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
