i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
