I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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