Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
