I just made out with a guy for $7.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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