I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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