wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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