We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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