I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
