Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
