PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Two words: nipple clamps
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