He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
