just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i think im in europe. pls send help
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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