Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
