So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
