actually, I'm a sock model
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
