high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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